The Guide to Nonexistent Birds: an Ornithological Logic SECTION 1752883230.3453372: * * ** *** ***** ******** ************* ARCTIC SWALLOW The arctic swallow is a swallow with a golden breast and a black neck. Its' conspicuous speckled crest most often lets you identify one. Arctic swallows may often be found in northern conifers or in tundra. Their diet consists primarily of roots and seeds. These birds mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal, in pairs. CALL: a kind of singing - first tuneful then high "ou-rik ou-rikTEE". - SOUTHERN SWALLOW The southern swallow is sometimes incorrectly identified as the arctic swallow and is slightly larger than it. The southern swallow has a red neck and yellow tail. Southern swallows may often be found in southern rivers or in swamps. Their diet consists primarily of insects and tubers. In pairs, they travel reasonable distances South in the fall, to perish. CALL: a high screeching which sounds like "klip-tee klip-teeAH". - UNCOMMON VULTURE The uncommon vulture is a vulture with a violet wing and a gray shoulder. You are most likely to discover uncommon vultures in eastern bushes. There, they can sometimes be spotted consuming rabbits, mice, and gophers. These semi-solitary birds have been devastated by unknown but presumably human caused changes. CALL: a "ou-per". COMMON SWALLOW We know nothing about the common swallow. - COMMON SWALLOW One kind of swallow is the common swallow, a bird remarkable for its blue throat and red shoulder. Common swallows feed on seeds, grubs, and berries in southern bushes. These birds have lost the capacity for flight, individually or in small groups. CALL: a abrasive tweeting which sounds like "kraa-oo-kok kraa-oo-kokWEE". COMMON SWALLOW We know nothing about the common swallow. WHISTLING VULTURE With a golden beak, the whistling vulture is slightly larger than the uncommon vulture. Whistling vultures occasionally occupy western ponds or bushes where they generally subsist on rabbits, mice, and gophers. These birds seek hot currents of wind to fly slowly on, in pairs. CALL: a "rik-ai". - RED-THROATED EAGLE A eagle with a yellow head is the red-throated eagle. Typically, one can be identified by its narrow crest and its' conspicuous striped neck. Red-throated eagles may often be found in northern bushes or in undergrowth. Their diet consists primarily of rodents. These flocking birds mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal. CALL: a singing that starts melodic and ends high, which resembles "TEEka-coo TEEka-cooCHIP". GOLDEN-TAILED GROUSE One kind of grouse is the golden-tailed grouse, a bird notable for its crimson shoulder and brown head. Most often, one can be identified by its tufted shoulder and its' remarkable narrow throat. Golden-tailed grouses may often be observed in eastern estuaries searching for seeds and some grubs. These birds travel long distances annualy to the same sites in the East in the winter, to raise their young, with many of their kind. CALL: a melodic squawking which might be transcribed "kraa-per-klip kok kraa-per-klip". NORTHERN VULTURE The northern vulture is somewhat smaller than the whistling vulture, with a red neck and gray wing. Northern vultures can never be spotted eating fish, frogs, rodents, and lizards in northern ponds, or now and then in bushes. They can usually be distinguished by their striped shoulders and heads. These semi-solitary birds seek vorticial currents of wind to fly slowly on. CALL: a "rik-tee-coo". EASTERN SWALLOW A relative of the common swallow, the eastern swallow is larger than it, and has a black head and brown throat. Eastern swallows may sometimes be spotted in eastern estuaries or in bushes. Their diet consists primarily of seeds, grubs, and berries. One can be told apart by its speckled crest and its' speckled beak. They have lost the capacity for flight. CALL: a "ka-coo-per kyik". SOUTHERN SWALLOW We know nothing about the southern swallow. - RARE THRUSH The rare thrush is a thrush with a violet head and a red wing. They have narrow beaks and mottled shoulders. Rare thrushs feed on seeds, worms, and berries in southern undergrowth. They make their homes in depressions in the ground covered over by dead twigs and leaves. CALL: a high "KRAAchi-rik-pip". BROWN-TAILED BARBET The brown-tailed barbet is conspicuous for its yellow head and its crimson throat. Brown-tailed barbets often occupy northern lakes or reeds where they generally subsist on grubs and worms. These flocking birds mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal. CALL: a type of squawking - first melodic then high "OUou-ou-kok chip". NORTHERN SWIFT The northern swift is a swift with a red shoulder and a red head. You are most likely to discover northern swifts in northern branches. There, they can sometimes be found feeding on fruits and nuts. These birds live in pairs. CALL: a screeching that starts abrasive and ends abrasive, which might be transcribed "AHtee-wee-kyik AHtee-wee-kyikKRAA". RED-SHOULDERED SWALLOW The red-shouldered swallow resembles the southern swallow but is slightly larger than it, and has a yellow tail and golden crest. Red-shouldered swallows may often be spotted in northern treetops or in bushes. Their diet consists primarily of seeds, grubs, and berries. Its' conspicuous speckled wing generally lets you identify one. In flocks, they are a brood parasite, leaving their eggs in nests of the brown-crested oriole rather than raising their own young. CALL: a type of "OUka-ah pip OUka-ah". COASTAL SWALLOW With a black shoulder, the coastal swallow is as large as the eastern swallow. Coastal swallows can often be found around southern estuaries or at times in southern beaches. Their mottled heads are remarkable. These birds have been devastated by the human settlement of their nesting grounds, in pairs. CALL: a screeching that starts hoarse and ends tuneful, which might be transcribed "RIKrik-klip". BROWN-CRESTED VULTURE The brown-crested vulture is slightly smaller than the northern vulture, possessing a golden throat and black neck. Their striped necks are notable. Brown-crested vultures can sometimes be found eating fresh-water fish in southern rivers, or now and then in bushes. These birds travel short distances to better nesting grounds further East in the winter, to raise their young, in flocks. CALL: a singing that starts high and ends melodic, which sounds like "COOah-tee per". SINGING GROUSE The singing grouse resembles the golden-tailed grouse but is somewhat larger than it, possessing a brown neck and brown wing. They have striped shoulders and striped heads. Singing grouses may often be spotted in western undergrowth or in beaches. Their diet consists primarily of seeds and driftwood-feeding insects. These birds live with a few of their kind. CALL: a sort of "PERrik-kraa PERrik-kraaKOK". SQUAWKING EAGLE The squawking eagle is much smaller than the red-throated eagle and is notable for its yellow wing and golden head. Squawking eagles feed on other birds in southern cliffsides. A bird living with a few of their kind, they fly slowly. CALL: a type of squawking - first abrasive then tuneful "rik-ou-rik kyik rik-ou-rik". - PRAIRIE GREBE The prairie grebe is a grebe with a brown tail and a black head. They can typically be identified by their speckled necks and shoulders. Prairie grebes can often be found around southern shrubbery or at times in southern treetops. They fly rapidly. CALL: a tuneful "er-pip RIKer-ka er-pip RIKer-kaKRAA". WHITE-BEAKED EAGLE The white-beaked eagle is conspicuous for its black throat and its black shoulder. They can typically be distinguished by their narrow wings and breasts. White-beaked eagles may occasionally be found in eastern beaches searching for shorebirds. They are a brood parasite, leaving their eggs in nests of the western duck rather than raising their own young. CALL: a "tee-chi wee-er-ah ah tee-chi wee-er-ah". RED-TAILED GULL The red-tailed gull has a yellow throat and a red tail. Its' conspicuous oversized shoulder generally lets you identify one. Red-tailed gulls often occupy southern bushes or rivers where they most often subsist on trout and other freshwater fish. In pairs, they are very shy birds, almost impossible to approach. CALL: a sort of chattering - first hoarse then low "kyik-wee oo-chi-ah". WHITE-TAILED HAWK A bird with a yellow throat and a crimson beak is the white-tailed hawk. One can be identified by its striped neck and its' oversized shoulder. You are most likely to discover white-tailed hawks in southern undergrowth. There, they can often be seen feeding on rodents. A bird living individually or in small groups, they travel short distances to better nesting grounds further North in the fall, to withstand the weather. CALL: a sort of whistling - first abrasive then abrasive "kok-chip per-kraa-kok per". GOLDEN-THROATED TINAMOU A bird with a gray head and a golden throat is the golden-throated tinamou. Its' conspicuous mottled throat generally lets you identify one. Golden-throated tinamous can often be spotted around western undergrowth or at times in western estuaries. A bird living in large congregations, they travel without rest accross continents and over oceans East in the winter, to raise their young. CALL: a singing that starts melodic and ends tuneful, which might be transcribed "kraa-rik ai-klip-ah kraa-rik ai-klip-ahKYIK". EASTERN EAGLE The eastern eagle resembles the squawking eagle but is much larger than it, possessing a violet beak and yellow tail. Eastern eagles feed on frogs and fish in eastern estuaries. One can be distinguished by its oversized wing and its' speckled breast. These birds make their homes in suspended structures woven from dead twigs and leaves, singley. CALL: a silent that starts hoarse and ends low, which resembles "ou-coo ou-wee klip ou-coo ou-wee". SINGING GROUSE With a red beak, the singing grouse is slightly smaller than the singing grouse. Singing grouses can often be found around eastern bushes or at times in eastern pine stands. One can be told apart by its oversized tail and its' oversized throat. A bird living in pairs, they fly zigzaggingly. CALL: a type of singing - first hoarse then low "rik-kyik coo-kyik". EASTERN VULTURE The eastern vulture is somewhat smaller than the brown-crested vulture, possessing a brown throat and golden shoulder. Eastern vultures can often be seen eating flocks of small birds in eastern pine stands, or now and then in cliffsides. One can be distinguished by its oversized crest and its' speckled wing. Individually or in small groups, they seek rising currents of wind to fly rapidly on. CALL: a "ah-ka rik-wee klip". WHITE-THROATED SWALLOW The white-throated swallow is sometimes mistaken for the coastal swallow and is as large as it. The white-throated swallow has a black beak and white throat. Their colors are completely different. White-throated swallows can often be found eating seeds and driftwood-feeding insects in southern beaches, or now and then in estuaries. These birds live with many of their kind. CALL: a sort of "ka-pip per-kok ka-pip per-kokKYIK". GOLDEN-THROATED SWALLOW We know nothing about the golden-throated swallow. YELLOW-BEAKED SWIFT The yellow-beaked swift is sometimes confused with the northern swift and is slightly smaller than it. The yellow-beaked swift has a yellow beak and brown tail. They can typically be identified by their narrow breasts and shoulders. You are most likely to discover yellow-beaked swifts in western treetops. There, they can occasionally be seen eating fruits and nuts. They fly low. CALL: a "KAoo-ou-chip". ARCTIC BARBET With a black beak, the arctic barbet is much smaller than the brown-tailed barbet. Arctic barbets can often be found eating roots and seeds in eastern tundra, or now and then in conifers. They have narrow heads and oversized beaks. They thrive in suburbs. CALL: a "PIPkraa-oo-kyik kok". TROPICAL THRUSH With a crimson beak, the tropical thrush is somewhat larger than the rare thrush. Both birds have a red wing and a black breast. You are most likely to discover tropical thrushs in northern rivers. There, they can often be found feeding on seeds, berries, and snails. A bird living with a few of their kind, they travel without rest accross continents and over oceans North in the spring, to avoid predators. CALL: a "OUper-ai-rik OUper-ai-rikTEE".