The Guide to Nonexistent Birds: an Ornithological Logic

SECTION 1601333338.4083517:

* * ** *** ***** ******** *************

YELLOW-TAILED GULL
The yellow-tailed gull is a gull with a red beak and a red head. They can most often be identified by their mottled heads and shoulders. Yellow-tailed gulls often inhabit western pine stands or bushes where they generally subsist on freshwater fish. A bird living in large congregations, they seek hot currents of wind to fly slowly on. CALL: a singing that starts abrasive and ends abrasive, which resembles "kraa-pip kraa-pipCHI". 
 
- 

NORTHERN GULL
A relative of the yellow-tailed gull, the northern gull is much smaller than it, possessing a yellow crest and golden beak. Northern gulls often reside in northern reeds or ponds where they usually subsist on catfish, bass, and carp. Generally, one can be identified by its mottled head and its' notable speckled throat. These birds live alone. CALL: a melodic "ai-chi ai-chiRIK". 
 
- 

SOUTHERN EAGLE
A bird with a red neck and a white head is the southern eagle. One can be distinguished by its striped throat and its' narrow beak. Southern eagles often inhabit southern cliffsides or pine stands where they typically subsist on flocks of small birds. These birds live with a few of their kind. CALL: a "ou-per". 
 
GOLDEN-THROATED GULL
The golden-throated gull is as large as the northern gull, and has a red beak and red shoulder. Golden-throated gulls can often be spotted around northern pine stands or at times in northern bushes. A bird living with many of their kind, they travel around a pond, across a field, or to the other side of a mountain to the South in the spring, to mate. CALL: a chattering that starts hoarse and ends melodic, which sounds like "wee-per wee". 
 
- 

WESTERN VULTURE
A bird with a white throat and a golden crest is the western vulture. Its' remarkable speckled wing generally lets you identify one. Western vultures occasionally inhabit western bushes or undergrowth where they typically subsist on rodents. These birds travel without rest accross continents and over oceans West in the winter, to find food, individually or in small groups. CALL: a "rik-per-er rik-per-erAI". 
 
GROANING GULL
We know nothing about the groaning gull.
 
COASTAL EAGLE
With a brown tail, the coastal eagle is slightly smaller than the southern eagle. Both birds have  a brown tail. Coastal eagles may sometimes be spotted in northern bushes or in beaches. Their diet consists primarily of shorebirds. Singley, they mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal. CALL: a kind of "coo-rik". 
 
- 

SOUTHERN EGRET
The southern egret is conspicuous for its golden head and its golden tail. Its' conspicuous narrow crest usually lets you identify one. Southern egrets may sometimes be spotted in southern beaches searching for crabs, mussels, and a variety of saltwater fish. These birds are very shy birds, almost impossible to approach, individually or in small groups. CALL: a type of singing - first tuneful then melodic "AHou-chip AHou-chipWEE". 
 
RARE GULL
A bird with a brown breast and a red neck is the rare gull. Rare gulls can occasionally be seen eating freshwater fish in eastern bushes, or now and then in cliffsides. These birds thrive in cities, in solitude. CALL: a low singing which sounds like "coo-wee-ah ka coo-wee-ah". 
 
COASTAL EAGLE
The coastal eagle is sometimes incorrectly identified as the coastal eagle and is larger than it. The  coastal eagle has a red wing and white shoulder. Coastal eagles can sometimes be observed around northern estuaries or at times in northern undergrowth. They have speckled beaks and narrow heads. They mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal. CALL: a whistling that starts hoarse and ends melodic, which resembles "tee-rik-ou". 
 
COMMON GULL
The common gull resembles the groaning gull but is slightly larger than it, with a golden tail and golden breast. They have tufted shoulders and oversized throats. Common gulls may often be observed in western lakes searching for berries and aquatic insects. These birds mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal, alone. CALL: a "coo-chi-coo chi". 
 
COASTAL VULTURE
The coastal vulture is sometimes confused with the western vulture and is slightly larger than it. The  coastal vulture has a white beak and black throat. They have speckled heads and narrow tails. Coastal vultures feed on frogs and fish in southern estuaries. A bird living with a few of their kind, they have been devastated by the dissapearance of their prey. CALL: a kind of "ka-klip-tee ka-klip-teeKOK". 
 
- 

UNCOMMON ALBATROSS
One kind of albatross is the uncommon albatross, a bird notable for its white wing and black head. They have striped beaks and narrow heads. You are most likely to discover uncommon albatrosss in northern treetops. There, they can sometimes be spotted eating freshwater fish. They travel without rest accross continents and over oceans West in the spring, to mate. CALL: a "AIcoo-chi-ai". 
 
GOLDEN-WINGED VULTURE
The golden-winged vulture has a red crest and a yellow shoulder. One can be told apart by its oversized neck and its' tufted breast. Golden-winged vultures may often be observed in western branches searching for squirrels. These birds mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal, in flocks. CALL: a hoarse "CHIah-oo-kraa coo". 
 
RED-NECKED THRUSH
The red-necked thrush is a thrush with a red neck and a crimson crest. Usually, one can be told apart by its speckled neck and its' notable narrow crest. Red-necked thrushs can often be found eating seeds and some grubs in western estuaries, or now and then in beaches. These birds often stand around groups of white-headed swifts, in pairs. CALL: a type of chattering - first high then high "KYIKtee-kyik-ou KYIKtee-kyik-ouRIK". 
 
BLUE-NECKED VULTURE
The blue-necked vulture resembles the coastal vulture but is much smaller than it, possessing a red shoulder and golden throat. Blue-necked vultures can often be spotted around southern beaches or at times in southern estuaries. These flocking birds can always find their way home. CALL: a sort of "KLIPklip-kraa chip KLIPklip-kraa". 
 
COMMON GULL
A relative of the common gull, the common gull is larger than it, possessing a gray shoulder and yellow tail. Most often, one can be distinguished by its narrow tail and its' notable narrow crest. You are most likely to discover common gulls in southern cliffsides. There, they can often be observed eating rockfish and skates. These solitary birds mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal. CALL: a sort of "TEErik-pip". 
 
EASTERN EAGLE
The eastern eagle resembles the coastal eagle but is smaller than it, and has a brown throat and yellow breast. One can be told apart by its striped crest and its' striped head. Eastern eagles feed on flocks of small birds in eastern pine stands. A bird living in solitude, they make their homes in suspended structures woven from dead twigs and leaves. CALL: a low "PERrik-tee ou". 
 
RIVER GULL
We know nothing about the river gull.
 
CRIMSON-THROATED EGRET
We know nothing about the crimson-throated egret.
 
- 

SQUAWKING SWIFT
One kind of swift is the squawking swift, a bird conspicuous for its white crest and white shoulder. Typically, one can be told apart by its tufted tail and its' notable striped breast. Squawking swifts may often be spotted in southern estuaries or in bushes. Their diet consists primarily of seeds, grubs, and berries. These semi-solitary birds often stand around groups of crimson-throated thrushs. CALL: a "ai-wee AIpip-klip ai-wee AIpip-klipTEE". 
 
PRAIRIE SWALLOW
The prairie swallow is a swallow with a black beak and a brown breast. Their striped necks are notable. Prairie swallows can occasionally be found eating seeds and grubs in northern shrubbery, or now and then in treetops. They travel reasonable distances South in the winter, to find food. CALL: a low tweeting which might be transcribed "ou-kok chip-klip-chip tee ou-kok chip-klip-chip". 
 
ARCTIC FLYCATCHER
A bird with a brown wing and a white shoulder is the arctic flycatcher. Arctic flycatchers may sometimes be found in eastern mountain tops searching for seeds and nuts. These birds live individually or in small groups. CALL: a kind of "ou-oo tee-chi-oo". 
 
FOREST SWIFT
The forest swift is notable for its blue neck and its violet wing. Its' remarkable narrow crest generally lets you identify one. Forest swifts can often be seen eating seeds, worms, and berries in western undergrowth, or now and then in treetops. These birds live alone. CALL: a sort of singing - first tuneful then melodic "tee-chi ah-chi-klip per". 
 
BLACK-TAILED GREBE
The black-tailed grebe is notable for its red shoulder and its brown throat. Most often, one can be distinguished by its narrow head and its' remarkable striped crest. Black-tailed grebes can often be seen eating trout and other freshwater fish in western rivers, or now and then in swamps. These birds make their homes in flat platforms composed of moss, wool, fabric, plant fluff, or string, in large congregations. CALL: a chattering that starts high and ends melodic, which resembles "coo-tee per-er-chi coo-tee per-er-chiKOK". 
 
WHITE-NECKED EGRET
We know nothing about the white-necked egret.
 
RED-BEAKED GULL
With a yellow neck, the red-beaked gull is much larger than the river gull. Red-beaked gulls feed on freshwater fish in northern bushes. A bird living in pairs, they mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal. CALL: a tuneful "oo-kraa wee-coo". 
 
COMMON EAGLE
The common eagle is slightly larger than the eastern eagle and is notable for its brown breast and gray shoulder. Its' notable narrow neck most often lets you identify one. Common eagles may often be spotted in eastern undergrowth searching for rodents. These birds live alone. CALL: a hoarse singing which might be transcribed "kraa-kyik chip-coo coo". 
 
FOREST GULL
The forest gull is as large as the common gull, and has a yellow throat and white beak. Forest gulls can often be spotted eating freshwater fish in western treetops, or now and then in undergrowth. These birds are a brood parasite, leaving their eggs in nests of the squawking barbet rather than raising their own young, in solitude. CALL: a type of "kraa-ka coo-pip kraa-ka coo-pipKLIP". 
 
WHISTLING VULTURE
We know nothing about the whistling vulture.
 
UNCOMMON THRUSH
We know nothing about the uncommon thrush.
 
NORTHERN VULTURE
With a yellow beak, the northern vulture is slightly smaller than the golden-winged vulture. Northern vultures often occupy northern pine stands or cliffsides where they generally subsist on other birds. These semi-solitary birds seek vorticial currents of wind to fly slowly on. CALL: a "OUchi-oo-rik kyik". 
 
ARCTIC ALBATROSS
The arctic albatross is sometimes confused with the uncommon albatross and is slightly larger than it. The  arctic albatross has a gray crest and blue tail. Arctic albatrosss feed on salmon and mackerel in southern tundra. These birds fly slowly, in pairs. CALL: a hoarse chattering which might be transcribed "AHkraa-er-wee AHkraa-er-weeCOO".