The Guide to Nonexistent Birds: an Ornithological Logic

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BROWN-WINGED PARTRIDGE
A partridge with a brown throat is the brown-winged partridge. Most often, one can be identified by its narrow crest and its' conspicuous oversized breast. Brown-winged partridges occasionally reside in southern bushes or undergrowth where they most often subsist on seeds, worms, and berries. In large congregations, they travel without rest accross continents and over oceans South in the winter, to find food. CALL: a melodic chattering which sounds like "ou-er ou-erTEE". 
 
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GOLDEN-WINGED PARTRIDGE
The golden-winged partridge resembles the brown-winged partridge but is slightly smaller than it, possessing a blue neck and golden breast. Their oversized tails are remarkable. You are most likely to discover golden-winged partridges in eastern bushes. There, they can often be found consuming seeds, grubs, and berries. They often mingle with groups of yellow-beaked swifts. CALL: a "chi-pip chi-pipTEE". 
 
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SQUAWKING EGRET
A egret with a white throat is the squawking egret. Squawking egrets may often be found in western rivers searching for trout and other freshwater fish. These birds collect bright trinkets found in the dirt, with a few of their kind. CALL: a type of "ka-rik". 
 
GOLDEN-TAILED PARTRIDGE
The golden-tailed partridge is sometimes incorrectly identified as the golden-winged partridge and is much larger than it. The  golden-tailed partridge has a gray wing and brown shoulder. Golden-tailed partridges may often be seen in northern beaches searching for seeds and driftwood-feeding insects. Its' notable oversized wing usually lets you identify one. These birds travel without rest accross continents and over oceans West in the spring, to mate, with many of their kind. CALL: a kind of whistling - first hoarse then low "ou-wee chi". 
 
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RED-NECKED TINAMOU
One kind of tinamou is the red-necked tinamou, a bird notable for its red neck and white throat. Red-necked tinamous feed on seeds and spiders in northern cliffsides. These birds live in flocks. CALL: a "per-chi-klip per-chi-klipTEE". 
 
SOUTHERN PARTRIDGE
The southern partridge is as large as the golden-tailed partridge and is notable for its yellow breast and golden tail. Southern partridges can occasionally be observed eating seeds and nuts in southern mountain tops, or now and then in tundra. These flocking birds will congregate and gratefully eat if fed. CALL: a screeching that starts tuneful and ends low, which resembles "per-coo pip per-coo". 
 
BROWN-THROATED EGRET
With a golden breast, the brown-throated egret is much smaller than the squawking egret. Brown-throated egrets feed on freshwater fish in western shrubbery. These flocking birds are found around the homes of the southern flycatcher. CALL: a squawking that starts abrasive and ends melodic, which sounds like "coo-chi". 
 
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MOUNTAIN HUMMINGBIRD
A hummingbird with a blue tail is the mountain hummingbird. Its' remarkable mottled throat usually lets you identify one. Mountain hummingbirds may often be observed in eastern cliffsides or in bushes. Their diet consists primarily of the nectar of wildflowers. These flocking birds seek rising currents of wind to fly low on. CALL: a melodic "COOkok-ou COOkok-ouAI". 
 
COASTAL FLYCATCHER
The coastal flycatcher is remarkable for its golden shoulder and its golden crest. Coastal flycatchers can sometimes be found around eastern beaches or at times in eastern undergrowth. These birds live in flocks. CALL: a chattering that starts hoarse and ends hoarse, which might be transcribed "rik-pip-coo klip rik-pip-coo". 
 
NORTHERN EGRET
A relative of the brown-throated egret, the northern egret is as large as it, and has a violet beak and black head. Most often, one can be identified by its striped throat and its' conspicuous narrow wing. Northern egrets may often be observed in northern swamps or in undergrowth. Their diet consists primarily of freshwater fish. These semi-solitary birds thrive in towns. CALL: a type of "rik-ai-oo". 
 
ARCTIC PARTRIDGE
A relative of the southern partridge, the arctic partridge is smaller than it, and has a black crest and crimson shoulder. You are most likely to discover arctic partridges in southern conifers. There, they can often be found eating nuts, seeds, and beetles. These birds live in pairs. CALL: a sort of squawking - first melodic then high "rik-per-pip pip". 
 
WESTERN TINAMOU
The western tinamou is slightly larger than the red-necked tinamou and is notable for its brown wing and red neck. Both birds have  a red neck. You are most likely to discover western tinamous in western pine stands. There, they can often be observed consuming pine cones and small insects. With a few of their kind, they have been devastated by extensive hunting. CALL: a chattering that starts tuneful and ends tuneful, which resembles "coo-pip-oo coo-pip-ooKA". 
 
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GRAY-TAILED GREBE
The gray-tailed grebe is remarkable for its brown wing and its yellow head. Usually, one can be told apart by its oversized crest and its' conspicuous striped beak. Gray-tailed grebes may often be found in southern bushes or in undergrowth. Their diet consists primarily of freshwater fish. A bird living individually or in small groups, they mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal. CALL: a kind of "OOpip-chip-coo". 
 
YELLOW-THROATED WOODPECKER
The yellow-throated woodpecker is a woodpecker with a yellow throat and a black neck. They can generally be distinguished by their narrow crests and throats. Yellow-throated woodpeckers may occasionally be seen in eastern bushes or in cliffsides. Their diet consists primarily of seeds and spiders. With many of their kind, they only survive far from human populations. CALL: a kind of tweeting - first melodic then high "OOper-klip-per ou". 
 
RIVER GROUSE
A grouse with a yellow neck is the river grouse. They have tufted breasts and narrow wings. River grouses can often be found eating seeds, berries, and snails in northern rivers, or now and then in bushes. These birds are very shy birds, almost impossible to approach, in solitude. CALL: a whistling that starts melodic and ends high, which sounds like "AIer-pip-pip AIer-pip-pipPIP". 
 
WHITE-NECKED TINAMOU
The white-necked tinamou is slightly smaller than the western tinamou and is notable for its golden breast and red tail. White-necked tinamous can occasionally be spotted around eastern tundra or at times in eastern mountain tops. These birds live in flocks. CALL: a "CHIPchi-tee kok CHIPchi-tee". 
 
CRIMSON-BEAKED PARTRIDGE
The crimson-beaked partridge is as large as the arctic partridge and is notable for its red head and black tail. Crimson-beaked partridges can often be found around southern estuaries or at times in southern beaches. These flocking birds only survive far from human populations. CALL: a high "KYIKper-kok". 
 
EASTERN EGRET
With a black neck, the eastern egret is slightly larger than the northern egret. Eastern egrets can often be observed eating freshwater fish in eastern bushes, or now and then in undergrowth. These solitary birds thrive in towns. CALL: a high "AIcoo-kok oo". 
 
COASTAL FLYCATCHER
A relative of the coastal flycatcher, the coastal flycatcher is somewhat smaller than it, and has a red head and yellow tail. They have narrow wings and striped throats. Coastal flycatchers may sometimes be found in western beaches or in estuaries. Their diet consists primarily of seeds and some grubs. These flocking birds have lost the capacity for flight. CALL: a sort of "KRAAou-per KRAAou-perWEE". 
 
WESTERN HUMMINGBIRD
The western hummingbird is larger than the mountain hummingbird, and has a brown neck and gray throat. Western hummingbirds can sometimes be observed eating the nectar of wildflowers in western undergrowth, or now and then in swamps. These birds live in flocks. CALL: a sort of squawking - first low then hoarse "kok-kyik-chi ka kok-kyik-chi". 
 
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SOUTHERN GULL
A bird with a red crest and a red wing is the southern gull. Most often, one can be identified by its tufted breast and its' conspicuous narrow neck. You are most likely to discover southern gulls in southern treetops. There, they can often be spotted eating freshwater fish. They thrive in cities. CALL: a high "pip-ah KArik-kraa pip-ah KArik-kraaKYIK". 
 
WHITE-THROATED HAWK
The white-throated hawk is notable for its red head and its brown neck. Its' notable striped throat most often lets you identify one. White-throated hawks may never be seen in western beaches searching for shorebirds. These flocking birds mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal. CALL: a type of tweeting - first high then tuneful "chip-rik chip-chip-per klip chip-rik chip-chip-per". 
 
RIVER FLYCATCHER
A flycatcher with a brown breast is the river flycatcher. Its' remarkable speckled beak generally lets you identify one. River flycatchers may sometimes be seen in eastern reeds searching for grubs and worms. In pairs, they are found around the homes of the singing grouse. CALL: a "rik-oo oo-kyik-er". 
 
GOLDEN-THROATED SWIFT
The golden-throated swift is a swift with a gray shoulder and a golden throat. Golden-throated swifts can often be found around western shrubbery or at times in western treetops. With many of their kind, they only survive far from human populations. CALL: a type of "per-er klip-oo-rik pip". 
 
EASTERN DUCK
The eastern duck has a brown shoulder and a red throat. Their oversized tails are remarkable. Eastern ducks may often be observed in eastern treetops or in branches. Their diet consists primarily of freshwater fish. A bird living singley, they thrive in cities. CALL: a type of singing - first high then tuneful "ah-ah ah-wee-chip ah-ah ah-wee-chipCHIP". 
 
MOUNTAIN HUMMINGBIRD
The mountain hummingbird is much smaller than the western hummingbird and is notable for its gray neck and white shoulder. They can generally be identified by their narrow throats and shoulders. Mountain hummingbirds can occasionally be observed around southern bushes or at times in southern pine stands. These flocking birds seek rising currents of wind to fly low on. CALL: a screeching that starts low and ends melodic, which might be transcribed "wee-kyik er-kyik wee wee-kyik er-kyik". 
 
RED-BEAKED FLYCATCHER
The red-beaked flycatcher is sometimes incorrectly identified as the coastal flycatcher and is slightly smaller than it. The  red-beaked flycatcher has a blue crest and red shoulder. Red-beaked flycatchers can occasionally be spotted eating seeds and some grubs in southern estuaries, or now and then in bushes. Its' conspicuous mottled neck typically lets you identify one. In large congregations, they collect bright trinkets found in the dirt. CALL: a "ka-ou ah-ah". 
 
BROWN-CRESTED EGRET
With a brown tail, the brown-crested egret is slightly larger than the eastern egret. Their mottled breasts are notable. Brown-crested egrets can sometimes be spotted around northern estuaries or at times in northern bushes. These birds live with many of their kind. CALL: a kind of "kraa-pip pip-kraa pip". 
 
ARCTIC PARTRIDGE
The arctic partridge is larger than the crimson-beaked partridge, possessing a black tail and yellow shoulder. One can be distinguished by its oversized neck and its' narrow breast. Arctic partridges may often be found in northern tundra searching for roots and seeds. These birds are found around the homes of the coastal eagle, with a few of their kind. CALL: a singing that starts high and ends low, which resembles "kok-ka ka-oo kok-ka ka-ooAI". 
 
VIOLET-CRESTED TINAMOU
With a golden neck, the violet-crested tinamou is as large as the white-necked tinamou. Violet-crested tinamous may often be found in western estuaries or in beaches. Their diet consists primarily of seeds and driftwood-feeding insects. These flocking birds often stand around groups of arctic coots. CALL: a sort of chattering - first melodic then tuneful "KYIKrik-klip-klip kyik KYIKrik-klip-klip". 
 
TWEETING GROUSE
The tweeting grouse is sometimes confused with the river grouse and is much larger than it. The  tweeting grouse has a yellow beak and red shoulder. Tweeting grouses can often be spotted around eastern bushes or at times in eastern branches. They have striped shoulders and oversized breasts. These birds live individually or in small groups. CALL: a abrasive tweeting which sounds like "KYIKah-chip-oo". 
 
YELLOW-TAILED WOODPECKER
The yellow-tailed woodpecker is sometimes confused with the yellow-throated woodpecker and is much smaller than it. The  yellow-tailed woodpecker has a red shoulder and violet throat. You are most likely to discover yellow-tailed woodpeckers in western bushes. There, they can often be found eating seeds, grubs, and berries. A bird living in flocks, they mate at the correct times with great theatrics and zeal. CALL: a type of "CHIPoo-oo-ai pip". 
 
COMMON GREBE
The common grebe is much larger than the gray-tailed grebe, and has a red beak and yellow throat. Their colors are completely different. Common grebes can often be observed around eastern treetops or at times in eastern lakes. Alone, they make their homes in depressions in the ground covered over by branches. CALL: a abrasive "AIka-ah-ou AIka-ah-ouPIP".